You can't run from the past
by Queenofthebuckets
Summary: Shiro is free from the galra, Sendak is gone. So why does he still feel like he belongs to them? His body doesn't feel like his own, his mind in broken in ways he doesn't know how to fix. Why can't he just go back to normal? His hope for recovery goes out the window when he discovers that he's carrying Sendak's child
1. Chapter 1

Shiro knew he was dreaming, he knew the dark room and the tight cuffs around his wrists holding him down weren't really there. But he also knew this was real too. This had happened to him, in that year that was hazy and hard to remember. He hated sleeping, the time when he was plagued by the worst of the things the Galra had done and made him do. But no matter how hard he tried to avoid it he would always eventually succumb to his body's need for rest. He wished he could have held off longer tonight, he wished with all his heart that he didn't have to relive this. Everything felt much too real, the itch of fur rubbing against his bare back, the breathy growling in his ear, the cold metal of the floor against his face as he lay limp beneath the glara commander. He knew in this dream of a memory there was no point fighting him, it just made things worse, more painful. He stared blankly into space as his body rocked with each thrust, a painfully familiar voice hissing to him.

 _"Mmm you like this my little champion, don't you~? Nng you're mine, and you love being claimed, don't you?"_

Sendak taunted as he nipped his ear. Shiro didn't speak, he didn't want to respond to him, but then pain shot up his spine as long claws dug into his sides, the warmth of blood running down to pool under him.

 _"I asked you a question, slut"_

The galra snarled as he ground his claws into him.

 _"Y-yes! Yes I-I love it Ma... M-Master"_

Shiro gasped out quickly, barely holding back a sob, gasping in relief as he removed his claws and the pain faded into a dull throb. Sendak let out a sound suspiciously purr like, nuzzling his shoulder, lapping his tongue over the scar of where he'd bit down and claimed the human as his for all to see.

 _"There's my good pet... You'll always be mine, forever nng... Even if you somehow got away from me, you'll still be mine"_

He growled, breath hot on Shiro's neck. Silent tears dripped down his face as Sendak sped up, the wet sounds and an occasional muffled whimper or sob from him filling the room.

 _"I'm going to make sure of that, mmm, I'm gonna fill you up, make you my breeding bitch~"_

Sendak purred as he nipped at his skin, Shiro biting his lip hard enough to bleed as the galra fucked him harder and faster, struggling not to cry out or beg for mercy. It was humiliating how helpless he was to stop this, the pain, the way he was violating him. He was broken, in one fell swoop Sendak had taken both his virginity and his dignity, he would never recover from this. He pressed his forehead into the floor as he shook with repressed sobs, able to tell from the increasing speed and the caption's heavy breathy it was close to being over. Sendak gave a few more hard thrusts before burying all the way in him, the human letting out a pained groan as his burning hot seed filled him and then...

And then Shiro woke up. He was laying on his back, staring up at the clinging as he shook, breathing hard. He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, running his hands through his short-cropped hair. His face was wet with tears, skin prickling with the ghost memory of Sendak's hands on him, of him inside him... He struggled to try and get his breathing back under control, slow his heart rate. He was safe, he was in the castle and Sendak was out floating somewhere in the cold emptiness of space. He was fine, he was perfectly fine, he... Oh god, he was going to throw up. Shiro quickly scrambled up out of bed with a hand clamped over his mouth and out of his room, hurrying down the hall towards the bathroom. But there was no way he could have made it in time, falling down onto his knees in the middle of the hall and reaching, coughing up his dinner onto the floor.

In his daze he heard a door slide open behind him and then a few seconds later the feeling of a hand gently touching his shoulder made him jump and look up. Shiro relaxed as he saw it was only Keith, he must have woken him. Then he noticed Keith was looking at him alarmed and realized what a mess he must look right now, tears still running down his pale face and bile dripping from his mouth. He quickly looked away and tried to wipe the mess off. He wasn't supposed to be seen like this, he was their leader, he couldn't let his team know how much the galra had broken him.

"Shiro-"

Keith started but he cut him off

"I-I'm fine Keith, I just... It's nothing, just a stomach bug"

He muttered vaguely, too shaken to think of a good excuse. The younger frowned with worry, always seeming to be able to read Shiro better than anyone else

"No, you're not fine. Let me take you to the med bay"

He insisted as he went to pull Shiro up but he shrugged him off

"I'm fine, I just need some water"

He said and then glanced with a grimace at the mess he'd made on the hall floor

"But first I need to clean this up"

Shiro grumbled as he pushed himself up, swaying on his feet. Keith was frowning at him as he stood as well, big dark blue eyes full of concern.

"I'll clean it up, don't worry about it"

He said, Shiro opening his mouth to argue but the younger quickly cut him off

"Listen if you're not going to let me take you to the med bay then you should go get some water and rest, I'll take care of this"

Keith said stubbornly as he looked up at him. The black paladin sighed and let his shoulders slump, knowing there was no changing his mind.

"Fine, fine. But go back to bed as soon as you're done, you need your rest more than me"

He muttered tiredly and then his gaze softened a bit as he looked down at him

"Thank you, Keith"

He said, ducking his head to press a swift kiss to his cheek before straightening up and walking past him, leaving the other paladin blushing as bright red as his lion.

Once Shiro had drunk down three pouches of water he felt a little better, leaning on the counter in the kitchen. Even though he'd told Keith he would rest there was no way in hell he was going to sleep again until his body forced him to. It was still late, by his internal clock anyway, seeing as time was pretty meaningless in space. He supposed he should have some breakfast though since he was up now, but his stomach was still churning a bit so food probably wasn't a good idea. Training it was then. As always. Training was his go to thing now, it let him zone out, not think as he worked his body. Before, when he'd just been a normal guy on earth, he never was one to work his body so hard. Sure he stayed in shape but never pushed himself like he did now. But his limits were much different now, before a three-hour workout would have had him passed out on the floor by the end of it but now it was just a warm up. He knew it was his year in the arena and the other things the galra had done to him pushed him in new ways. He tried not to think too hard about it.

Shiro zoned out so much he wasn't sure how long he'd been in the training room when Hunk and Pidge came in, Hunk carrying Pidge piggyback style, the smaller paladin's arms wrapped idly around his shoulders and their chin rested on top of his head. Pidge frown as they saw Shiro, calling out to him

"Hey Keith said you were sick, should you really be training right now?"

They asked with concern. Shiro just sighed as he continued doing one handed push ups, cyborg arm held behind his back, pointless to work it when there were no muscles in it.

"I'm perfectly fine, it was just a stomach bug"

He said, doing a few more before lowering down onto his stomach and then rolling over, sitting up to look at them.

"Still, how long have you been in here?"

Hunk inquired, looking just as concerned with his big puppy dog eyes.

"Not long"

He lied, standing and stretching before walking over to two.

"Really? Cause uh you're still where your pjs"

The younger man muttered, eyeing the sleeveless white t-shirt and sweat pants. Shiro blinked and blushed a little, he hadn't even noticed

"Ah.. I suppose I am"

That seemed to worry Hunk more but Pidge giggled a bit, reaching out and poking Shiro in the stomach. He jumped in surprise and blushed even more

"Awww, I didn't notice it in your suit but you're getting a bit of a tummy now"

They teased, sticking their tongue out at him.

"Hey it's not my fault Hunk is such a good cook"

He huffed back a bit defensively as he crossed his arms, a little embarrassed

"I never said it was a bad thing. I think it's cute~"

Pidge said, taking advantage of being held up by Hunk to run a hand through Shiro's hair, who relaxed instinctively at their touch. They leaned forward and gave Shiro a little peck on the lips, smiling at him.

"I gotta agree with Pidge, you'd be cute with some pudge. Maybe I outta start making extra food for you"

Hunk said, idly poking Shiro's stomach as well

"Well I already ate, maybe at lunch"

He lied, the idea of food still making his stomach churn

"You two get training, I'm going to go hit the showers"

Shiro said, returning the kiss Pidge had given him and then pressed one to Hunk's lips before straightening and walking towards the bathroom. Once he was in the bathroom he looked down at his own body, frowning a bit. He hadn't really noticed the extra weight, so much about his body was different now. But Pidge was right, there was a bit of pudge in his stomach, more than when they'd become paladins a month ago. As he stripped off his clothes and turned the shower on he wondered how he hadn't noticed it earlier. Well, he hadn't really wanted to look at his body since escaping the glara. It didn't feel like his body anymore, more muscular and covered in scars, many of which he didn't remember getting. His back was nothing but scar tissue, thin lines crossing each other, so many they lumped together in a mass. Those were the only ones he liked because he knew they'd come from a whip. And with how many there were it comforted him to know how much he must have fought.

Others... Others made him feel sick to his stomach all over again. As he stepped under the spray of water his eyes drifted over to the large bite mark on his shoulder, on his mind thanks to the most recent nightmare. He wished he didn't remember how he'd gotten that one. If he didn't he would have assumed it was another one from the arena. But no, now he'd remembered he couldn't get it out of his head. It was a claiming mark, claiming him as Sendak's. He'd been his toy, his favorite little pet. It was disgusting, and shame and guilt burned in him at just the thought of the galra commander. Shiro had been broken by him like none of the other glara could, bent him and made him obey his will, beg and scream. He shuddered and shut his eyes, ducking his head under the shower spray. Stupid Glara, stupid body that didn't feel like his, stupid Sendak floating around in space yet still managing to fuck with his head. He hated being like this, fucked up and broken. He felt bad for his lovers, not able to truly give himself to any of them, too scared to share how scarred he was.

Shiro stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out, avoiding looking at his body anymore as he dried off and pulled on his normal clothes. His stomach had finally settled a bit so he decided to head into the kitchen, knowing he needed to eat something. He was surprised to find Lance and Coran there, the altean trying to convince the poor boy to eat some of the nasty old fashion food he loved to make. He let out a huff of a laugh as he walked over to the table

"Come on, just one little bite and you'll be fighting like a real paladin in no time~!"

Coran was insisting as he held a spoonful of some gross squirming thing in Lance's face, who was leaning so far back he looked ready to fall over.

"There is no way in hell I'm putting that in mouth"

Lance huffed back, face scrunched in disgust. Shiro pulled out a chair and sat down next to Lance

"Stop torturing my team Coran, humans don't eat the same stuff as alteans"

He said with some amusement, Lance looking up and grinning at him

"Oh thank god Shiro, my hero in shining armor"

The younger paladin said dramatically as he draped himself over him, head tossed back and arm over his forehead in a perfect swooning princess pose. Shiro huffed and rolled his eyes, ruffling Lance's hair.

"Not totally, seeing as you should be training or better yet bonding with your lion"

He said and the younger groaned dropping his head on Shiro's shoulder

"Nooo don't make me work"

The blue paladin pouted. Shiro wasn't totally serious, Lance could do as he pleased for the time being, especially as now his attention shifted to the food Coran had made. It was gross looking as ever but it actually... Smelled good? That was odd, he was fairly sure Coran had made this dish before but it hadn't smelled good at all. He glanced up at the altean, who was looking grouchy at his food being rejected once again.

"Hey Coran, what is this stuff anyway?"

He asked, the older peaking up at his interest

"It's an old fashion altean recipe, the real good stuff! Packed full of proteins and iron, great staple for all hard workers and fighters!"

He said with his usual high energy. Shiro hummed and picked up a spoon, scooping some of the squirming dish up and bringing it to his face to give it a sniff. It still smelled really good despite how gross it looked and before he could think too much about it he put it in his mouth. To his surprise it tasted as good as it smelled and he let out a satisfied hum as he swallowed it down before reaching to take another spoonful. Then he realized Lance had sat up and was staring at him with his jaw hanging open in shock.

"What?"

He asked through another mouthful of the alien food.

"What do you mean what!? You're the one eating that disgusting slimy stuff!"

The younger yelped, as dramatically as ever

"It's not that bad, actually pretty good"

He shrugged as he kept eating it, Coran looking delighted that someone was enjoying his food as Lance gagged exaggeratedly.

"I can't believe you're eating that after being sick earlier"

He said as he scrunched up his face

"It was only a little stomach bug, not a big deal at all. I can't believe Keith felt the need to tell all of you"

Shiro grumbled back as he kept eating the strange dish

"Well duh of crouse he did, we're a team, not to mention dating. Secrets aren't good or easy to keep when we're all so close"

The younger said as he leaned back and laid his legs in Shiro's lap casually. He felt a pit of dread in his stomach at those words, mind imminently flying to all the things he was hiding from them, but he quickly shoved more food in his mouth to distract himself. In that manner he finished the dish in minutes, sighing as he dropped the spoon in the empty bowl

"Maybe you're right, I'm going to go back to my room and rest"

He said as he pushed Lance's legs off his lap and stood up. He still didn't want to sleep, but he did feel worn out, and really wanted to be alone at the moment. He loved all of them but being around them right now was just making guilt weigh heavy on him.

"Mmkay, hope ya feel better soon"

Lance shrugged, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down into a soft kiss for a moment before giving him a light smack on the ass as he turned to leave.

"Watch it, or you'll be training for the next two hours"

Shiro said over his shoulder in a teasing tone, Lance just sticking his tongue out at him as he left the room. The grin faded from his face once in the hall, the full exustion from lack of sleep, being ill, and training hard hitting him all at once. He pinched the bridge of his scarred nose, rubbing it tiredly as he trudged back towards the room. Maybe he'd just lay down for a minute, no sleeping though, he was going to fight that need off as long as he could. He felt lucky not to run into any of the others in the hall but then he turned the corner and saw Keith waiting for him outside his door, a brooding look on his face. Shiro's steps slowed for a moment before moving forward to meet him, too late to turn around now the red paladin had seen him. He walked up to him and stopped, letting the younger speak first

"... Pidge told me you were in the training room, in your pajamas."

Keith said as he frowned up at him

"Of crouse they did"

Shiro sighed tiredly, feeling a headache coming on

"You didn't go back to bed after you got sick, did you?"

He asked accusingly but the older just shrugged

"I wasn't tired"

He muttered as Keith glared up at him angrily

"Shiro you're pushing yourself way too much, its ok to take a break and let yourself rest you know"

The red paladin huffed but there was a softness in his tone, taking both Shiro's hands in his own, rubbing his thumb over his real human hand. He couldn't help the way his body relaxed at Keith's touch, leaning forward a bit, so starved for affection, even though he knew he didn't deserve any.

"I can take care of myself Keith"

He grumbling, earning himself an eye roll

"I know that, all of us do. But there's nothing wrong with letting us take care of you sometimes."

Keith said softly, reaching up and rubbing his palm over the older's cheek, who practically melted into his hands despite trying to remain firm.

"We're aren't in the Garrison anymore, you don't have to put up such a stiff front all the time"

He muttered, running his fingers through his short-cropped hair and up to the longer tuff before wrapping his hand around the back of his head and pulling Shiro down into a soft kiss. He decided not to bother arguing at the moment and just enjoy the feeling of Keith's lips against his, humming as he kissed him back. It started off slow and soft but the longer it went on the more intense it became, Keith pressing him back against the wall as he nipped at his lower lip before soothing it by lapping it with his tongue. Shiro let out a soft groan as his hands slide down the smaller's body, coming to rest on his ass as Keith tugged a bit at his hair. When they pulled apart Shiro was panting a little, giving a pleased hum as Keith pressed kisses down his neck, sliding a knee between his legs. He tilted his head back to give him more access and closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of the other paladin's hands and mouth on him. Maybe this was just what he needed, to give in and let go for just a bit, it definitely felt good.

Real good, right up until Keith nuzzled the side of his neck before opening his mouth and nipped at his shoulder, right over that old claiming scar. Shiro reacted completely on instinct, jerking back and shoving Keith off as an animalistic growl tore from him. He didn't even realize what he'd done until he blinked and realized Keith was on the floor, looking up at him with surprise and worry

"S-Sorry, fuck, I'm sorry Keith, I've just been jumpier than usual today"

He stuttered quickly as he helped him back up to his feet

"No no, Shiro I'm sorry, I shouldn't of- It's my fault"

Keith said as he rubbed his side to sooth the ache of hitting the ground

"I wasn't thinking, are you alright?"

He asked as he looked up at him with concern, making Shiro's chest ache. He's the one who should be apologizing, he attacked him just because he couldn't handle a little love bite. He ducked his head, not able to meet Keith's eyes with the heavy guilt in his chest

"I.. I'll be fine... I think I'm just going to lay down, some rest might calm me down"

He muttered quietly. He didn't need to look up to know the younger was looking at him worriedly, not wanting to see that look on Keith's face right now, knowing it would just make his guilt worse.

"... If you're sure..."

Keith muttered after a beat, the concern for him painfully clear in his voice

"One of us will come check in on you later, alright?"

Shiro just nodded, eager to be alone, turning and walking into his room, leaving Keith alone in the hall. Once safely in his own room he let out a shaky breath and leaned back against the closed door, burying his face in his hands. Why did he have to be so weak, he wanted to give himself to his lovers so badly, but every time he tried he froze up, stalled, lashed out in a knee jerk reaction as his body remembered a past trauma he did not. They all deserved better, a better leader, a better boyfriend... He groaned in frustration as he pushed himself up and flopped down on his bed, giving an angry punch to his pillow, sending it flying across the room. He just wanted to be normal again, why was this so hard. He was free from the galra yet felt just as trapped as ever. Shiro rolled over onto his back, wondering if he could slip back into the training without any of them noticing. A good work over of his body would really make him feel better, get him out of his head. But his body screamed at him in protest at the mere thought of moving. He tried to think of something he could do to distract himself and keep him awake even as his eyelids grew heavier and heavier. It couldn't hurt just to rest his eyes for one little moment...

Shiro jerked against the straps holding him down as he felt claws dragging up his bare thighs, snarling at the galra in rage as he instinctively tried to close his legs. But there was no point, he couldn't move an inch, theses strange glowing bonds had no give, and there were so many he couldn't even move his head. The only movement he had was clenching his fists and his eyes darting around to keep the galra commander in his sight. Sendak let out a rumbling laugh as he strolled around the table he was strapped down on, tracing his claws teasingly over his naked body.

 _"Hmm there's still a lot of fight left in you champion... Good, that'll make crushing it out of you all the more enjoyble~"_

He purred, smirking down at him. Shiro glared back, gritting his teeth as he kept struggling, snapping at his hand when it got too close to his face.

 _"Fuck off"_

He hissed but all it got him was a swift smack across the face, leaving him gasping and ears ringing.

 _"I think taking that pride of yours down a notch will be a good start, remind you of your place"_

Sendak said casually moving out of his line of sight for a brief moment, Shiro twisted as he tried to keep his eyes on him, hearing the clink of a glass container as the galra commander returned with a small vial in his hands. He forced his thick finger's into Shiro's mouth, making him gag and struggle to bite down as his tormentor poured the thick sweet tasting contents of the vial down his throat. He removed his fingers and imminently slammed his hand over the human's mouth to keep him from spitting it out. Shiro had no fucking clue what was just forced into his mouth but he knew it couldn't be good, glaring up at Sendak definitely, refusing to swallow until he pinched his nose shut too, cutting off his air. He tried to struggle for a minute, holding out as long as he could before swallowing the thick sap like stuff down. He gasped for breath as Sendak pulled his hands back, panting as he glared at him.

For a few seconds he was perfectly fine, but then he felt an odd warmth that grew until it was a fire in his stomach, skin burning with it. The horror of what the drug did hit him as his body started to react, cock growing hard against his will. He glared up at Sendak with more fear than rage this time, desperately trying to jerk away as he reached his hand towards him. He didn't want this, he didn't want it to feel good. It was humiliating enough already but if the glara forced him to feel good during it he wasn't sure he could handle it. Shiro let out a choked sound as Sendak wrapped his hand around his cock, gentle, too gentle, why couldn't he just take him rough and hard and get it over with?

 _"S-stop! Stop let me go!"_

He snapped at him, screwing his eyes shut as he desperately tried to pull away. Sendak just gave him an amused look as he continued to stroke him slow and soft, leaning in to growl in his ear

 _"This body isn't yours anymore, it's mine, and it always will be~ No one will ever be able to touch you like this without you thinking of me again, not even yourself"_

He practically purred as Shiro shook and jerked against the straps, before Sendak opened his mouth and bit down into his shoulder, fangs digging deep down to the bone, making Shiro scream, and scream, and keep screaming until he jerked awake and fell out of his bed, smacking his head against the floor.

Shiro didn't try to sit back up, curling tight into a ball as his body shook, tears flowing down his face. Sendak was right, he was free and Sendak was gone but he still couldn't reclaim his own body. He couldn't stand to look at himself longer than a few seconds, and despite his body's natural urges he hadn't been able to touch himself let alone let the others touch him like that. He let out a choked sob, grabbing fist fulls of his own hair. This wasn't fucking fair, he just wanted to be free, why was it so hard? He couldn't dwell on it longer because his stomach was turning again and he quickly had to scramble up, not bothering to try and make it to the bathroom this time, grabbing the nearest trashcan and puking his guts out into it. He leaned against the wall once his body was finally done purging itself, gasping and sobbing, shaking and covered in a cold sweat, too weak to move.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there quietly crying until he felt the soft presence of the Black lion in his head, opening his eyes a bit in surprise. He knew she could reach him from anywhere but normally he only felt her when they were bounding or he was piloting her.

 **"You're hurting, my paladin. Why do you not seek help?"**

Her smooth, not quite a voice, echoed in his head

"I'm fine, just a stomach bug"

He muttered aloud, still dazed.

 **"You can not lie to me"**

She tsked, and he knew it to be true. The bound between lion and paladin was like nothing else in the universe

"I... It was just a bad dream... Shook me is all"

Shiro said as he closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall

 **"This is the second occurrence in only one cycle. You may not be able to sense it or simply not admit it, but something is wrong"**

Black hummed unhappily, the worry clear in her tone

 **"Go to the healing room, our pride can not function if one of us is ill"**

She insisted, a firmness in her tone that reminded Shiro of the way commanders spoke in the Garrison. He sighed and slumped against the wall, knowing she was right. If he didn't take care of himself then his team would suffer for it, he would drag the rest of them down with him.

"... Ok, fine alright I'll go, but it's probably just going to confirm that its a stomach bug"

He said in defeat as he pushed himself up onto weak legs. She purred happily and a soft warm feeling enveloped him for a moment before she faded from his mind, but he knew she was still keeping her eyes on him, watching to make sure her paladin would be alright.

Shiro was relieved to see Coran already there when he entered the med bay. He didn't want to seek out one of his team to scan him, knowing he'd just make them worry. Coran looked up and smiled at him

"Ah hello Shiro, I was just double checking the cryo replenishers are properly calibrated"

He said idly fiddling with the control panel as Shiro walked over to him

"It all is working just fine, seems the system is clear of those bugs Sendak brought on board"

He said, the paladin stiffening at the sound of that name but quickly pushed it down

"That's good, do you have a se- tick? The team's worried because I've been feeling a little sick lately. I'm sure its just a stomach bug but I think it would calm them down if I got a quick scan to make sure"

He explained and the altean nodded

"Righto, that's easy peasy. Just stand right there a few ticks"

Coran said as he pointed to a spot a few feet in front of the control panel, which Shiro walked over and stood stiffly as Coran pressed a few buttons and a bright light scanned over him, only relaxing when it was done. He stayed standing there as he watched Coran press some more buttons and look over the results of the scan. He was already starting to space out, thinking of going back to the training room, so sure the results would be nothing but a stomach bug he wasn't really that focused in the moment. He only snapped back out of it when he heard Coran make a worried hum and looked up to see him frowning as he looked down at the control panel

"Oh.. Oh dear"

He muttered mostly to himself, sending Shiro into an alert panic. Oh god what if he got some deadly alien illness, what would the team do without him, would they be able to find someone else to pilot the black lion?

"What? What is it?"

He asked urgently and Coran looked up at him, tugging at his collar awkwardly, not meeting his eyes

"Erh well I'm not quite sure how else to word this but well... You're pregnant"


	2. Chapter 2

Shiro stared at Coran, thinking surely he'd heard him wrong. Maybe it was a joke. That didn't like something Coran would joke about though.

"That... That can't be right. The scanner must have made a mistake"

He stuttered

"Well, I know this is very shocking news for you but there's no need to insult our tech. The scanners are never wrong, it's proven to work on all species"

The altean huffed a bit miffed at his disrespect but Shiro was too startled to be polite

"No but Coran, male humans _can't_ get pregnant! Least not ones with my biology"

He insisted, having a hard time explaining it

"Only humans with biology like Pidge's can be pregnant, it's not possible"

He said with a bit of panic creeping into his voice. That just made Coran's face go paler, a flicker of shock and... Was that pity in his eyes?

"O-Oh... Oh dear... That makes this worse"

He muttered vaguely as Shiro walked around quickly to look at the scan results himself even though he couldn't read the language

"If it wasn't one of your fellow paladins who did this then well..."

He hesitated as he looked at Shiro, and yeah he was sure this time that was pity

"...The galra are well known for being able to breed other species regardless of their ability to carry offspring. Haven't you ever wondered why we've never come across a female when they're clearly mammals?"

Shiro froze, feeling as if the floor under his feet was shifting, staring blankly ahead. No, no he couldn't deal with this, not after everything they'd already done to him. He couldn't handle this, Coran was still talking, explaining how the galra could breed with practically any species they liked but he wasn't listening. There was a ringing in his ears as his eyes went unfocused, the shadows in the room seeming to grow darker and bigger. He could practically see Sendak's taunting smirk and hear his voice whispering in his ear

 _"You're mine, no matter what you do or where you go, you'll always be mine"_

Next thing he knew he was sprawled on his back, his head aching with pain where it had smacked on the floor, Coran looking down at him slightly panicky. Did he really just faint? He must have, shaking as a pained laugh bubbled out of him. Coran looked alarmed at that reaction, pulling back a bit. He blinked as he felt tears running down his face, when did he start crying? Coran was panicking a bit, not sure what to do with him

"I.. I'm going to go get Allura, or one of the other paladins"

He said as he quickly went to stand, knowing they'd be able to handle Shiro's break down better but Shiro immediately darted a hand out and grabbed him by his ankle to stop him in his tracks

"No! N-no you can not tell any of the others about this"

He said as the older altean looked down at him

"What? You can't very well keep this from them, eventually it will be pretty obvious!"

Coran said, voice going up an octave. Through his panic Shiro knew he was scaring him but he couldn't gather himself enough to care, shaking his head

"I know, I know that! I just.. I need some time to think"

He said quickly, feeling a panic attack building in his chest. He needed to get out of there before he broke down even more, already having embarrassed himself enough.

"I need to figure this out, ok? I just, I-I need to figure out what to do, then I'll tell them"

He stuttered as he pushed himself up onto shaking legs. He knew Coran was concerned, had more to say, but he didn't want to hear it, wasn't sure he could handle hearing it. He needed some time to absorb this shocking information before discussing it further. Coran opened his mouth but Shiro pushed past him

"I... I'm going to go lay down"

he muttered, walking out the door before he could respond. He couldn't stand the thought of laying still right now, despite how worn and shaken he was. There was no way he could train like this, he'd throw up again for sure. But if he tried to lay down he was pretty sure he'd throw up from that too. The vague, hazy memories of things Sendak had said and done to him were already plaguing his mind, if he slept again he knew he'd be forced to relive a memory all over again. So he pushed himself forward and just started walking, letting himself space out as his feet guided him through the castle, forcing himself not to think of anything but moving. He didn't know how long he wandered around totally spaced out, feeling like a ghost so detached and reeling, before he found himself in the hanger. He was unsure if his body had brought him here out of instinct or if his lion had sensed his distress and called out to him but didn't question it.

Shiro entered the black lion's cockpit and sat down heavily in the seat, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. She didn't speak to him right away but he felt her presence in a warm heavy cloud, making the tension leave his body, like a soft blanket wrapping around him.

 **"You're carrying so much pain, bearing the weight of the universe on your shoulders"**

She hummed softly after a few minutes, a tone of sadness in her presence. Shiro didn't respond, opening his eyes to stare blankly at the ceiling of the cockpit in acknowledgment that he was listening

 **"It doesn't make you weak to ask for help, nor what they did to you. The other paladins aren't going to think less of you"**

She murmured and he could have sworn he felt a puff of hot breath against the back of his neck

"You can't know that..."

He said weakly, glancing down and resting a hand on his stomach

"How can I ask them to be strong and fight the galra if I couldn't do it? They're still so young, what will that do to their hope if they find out their leader was... I-is.."

Shiro said as he cleanched his fist over his abdaman, unable to actually say it out loud. Black let out a sigh, the soft warm feeling increasing as she tried to comfort him

 **"My little paladin, you are being foolish. You may be the oldest but to me you are still a kit, so young and new to this universe. I know you are strong, I know you can take care of yourself, but I still wish to protect you as if you were my cub"**

She purred softly, and Shiro couldn't help but think in the back of his mind if he was the "space dad" Black was definitely the space mom

 **"The rest of your pride is strong too Shiro, their hope will not be broken so easily, otherwise they won't be here. They are your team, your mates, if anything the knowing of how badly they hurt you will encourage them to fight harder, for you"**

Black said with a firmness in her tone, knowing it to be true. Shiro opened his mouth to respond but she cut him off before he could

 **"Think it over, rest. You are too frazzled from lack of sleep to handle this properly. You'll know how to tell them once you've rested"**

She insisted in a way he knew she wouldn't take no for an answer but still, the thought of nightmares and reliving memories had him squirming a bit

"I.. I can't... The dreams are too much"

He stuttered but the warmth increased, making his body feel heavy and eyelids droop

 **"I'll keep your sleep dreamless.** _ **Rest**_ **"**

She practically growled, the last word making him go limp in the seat with the force behind it. Shiro fought against sleep a little longer before giving in, closing his eyes and letting it overtake him. To his relief, Black kept her promise, for the first time since escaping the galra his sleep was free of pain and fear, totally peaceful. But it wasn't dreamless. He wasn't sure, it was bit hazy and hard to remember, but he was fairly sure in his dream his face was pressed in soft black fur with big paws resting on his back, a rumbling purr filling his ears as a rough textured tongue groomed his hair...

Shiro woke slowly, feeling a bit out of it from having the best sleep he'd had in over a year, unsure how long he'd been out. He rolled over in the chair, wanting to return to that soft peaceful sleep, but Black was prodding him to get up.

"What?"

He grumbled groggily as he sat up a bit, rubbing his eyes

 **"Allura is outside, she wants to speak to you"**

She murmured back and Shiro quickly sat up, looking out the windshield down to where Allura was standing by Black's paws, looking up with her arms crossed and a worried frown on her face. He groaned and ran a hand through his mussed hair. Damn it, she must know. He told Coran not to tell anyone.

 **"Go talk with her, it will ease some of your pain"**

Black insisted, prodding him relentlessly. Shiro groaned as he stood, dragging his feet

"Alright alright, if she knows I'm here I'm not going to be able to avoid her"

He grumbled unhappily as Black lowered down onto her stomach to let him step out of the cockpit. Allura was waiting for him, eyes boring into him as he stepped out, her gaze distinctly reminding him of the way the captains of the Garrison glared at him back when he was just a young cadet making too much noise. There was a moment of silence as they just looked at each other, the only sound Black straightening back up into her neutral sitting position

"... Coran told you, didn't he?"

He asked after a minute

"Of course he did, he was startled to see you so unhinged"

She said crisply

"Not to mention it is a rather big deal that you're pregnant, it affects the team"

She said with an undertone of anger that made Shiro flinch a bit on instinct before her gaze and tone softened

"Why didn't you tell us the full extent of what the galra did to you?"

She asked much more gentle but he still avoided her gaze

"It... It wasn't relevant..."

Shiro muttered back

"It's very relevant, don't be such a fool. We are a team, and more than that, we're bonded together, mates"

Allura snapped back, hands on her hips as her eyes flashed dangerously

"I will admit I had my suspicions. Your reaction to intimacy and any of our attempts to move in a more sexual direction made me wonder. But I wasn't sure if that was a normal human reaction to general trauma or if it was because the galra had done something to make you fear things like that. I thought if it was the latter you would have told us"

The altean princess said, a tone of sadness in her voice, Shiro staring at his feet as the familiar feeling of guilt crept up inside his chest.

"If I'd known he could get me pregnant I would have spoken up earlier, I was handling it just fine on my own before this"

He muttered, a total lie, and he could tell Allura wasn't buying it but continued on before she could point that out

"Did you tell the others yet?"

He asked as he glanced up at her

"No. I wanted to confront you myself to help you get a better handle on this before speaking with the other paladins about it"

She explained before stepping closer, bring a hand up to run over his cheek, making him flinch with how on edge he was. She gently grabbed his chin and tilted his face until Shiro looked at her, seeing Allura's eyes were full of concern and love for him.

"Come, let me help you"

She muttered softly, briefly tracing her fingers over the scar that slashed across his face before moving her hand down to take his own, his human one, tugging him forward with her. Her hold was gentle but Shiro could feel the strength behind it, knowing even if he tried he wouldn't be able to pull away, but he found he didn't really want to, squeezing her hand a bit as he let her lead him through the castle. Allura took him to a part of the castle he hadn't been to before, ushering him into a small room. He looked around in surprise as he found the little room was oddly similar to a human doctor's office, a small padded table with cabinets against the plain white walls.

"Princess, what is this place?"

He asked as she let go of his hand and started opening some of the cabinets and digging around

"We alteans are a chameleon race and thus can breed with any other species Shiro, it's important for our ships to have supplies to deal with one of the crew carrying child. Sit"

She explained before pointing to the table. Shiro hesitantly did so, nervously bouncing his leg, the strong medical smell and white walls making him a bit nervous. He had to remind himself it was just Allura, she only wanted to help him. Once Allura finished laying out the strange altrean tools she turned back around to him, a softness in her eyes that made him relax

"Can you take your shirt off for me?"

She asked him and he stiffened again, hesitantly gripping the front of his vest

"Do I have to?"

He muttered, really not liking the idea of how she might react to his body. He might have been good looking once but now his body was disgusting and he knew it

"It's going to be pretty hard to check you over properly with it in the way"

Allura said back, the tiniest bit of teasing in her voice.

"I promise you, whatever you're scared of me seeing I've seen worse"

She said more seriously and Shiro sighed before shrugging off his vest, his gray undershirt quickly following, just wanting to get it over with. He didn't look at her face, not wanting to see her reaction to his maimed and scarred skin. Sure things had gotten heated with her and other paladins before but he'd never let it go far, and he'd never let any of them see him naked. He closed his eyes as he heard Allura let out a soft gasp, to his interpretation of horror, and then jumped as he felt her hands touch him softly. Shiro opened his eyes and looked up at her, eyes going wide and blushing at the awestruck look on her face as she ran her hands over his skin, a small shudder going up his spine. Allura blinked herself out of it as she realized he was staring at her and pulled her hands back

"Sorry, got a bit distracted there... You're just so beautiful"

The princess apologized, face flushing a bit herself. Shiro was bright red at her compliment, having never been able to handle those well, opening his mouth and then closing it again, not sure what to say. He was grateful when she started touching him more purposefully, relaxing again though he did twitch when her fingers skimmed down lower over his pecs.

"Have you felt some soreness here? Should be swelling some"

She asked as she gently groped his chest, making him squirm a bit

"U-uh a little bit"

Shiro muttered back, biting down on his lower lip. He hadn't really noticed it but his chest had been feeling sore lately, his paladin suit rubbing him a bit more uncomfortable than normal.

"The changes the galra's impregnation does to species not originally made to carry young can be rather rough, rougher than a normal pregnancy"

She said as her fingers brushed over the claiming bite scar on his shoulder and he could hear anger sinking into her voice and realized the Black lion had been right, Allura was hating the galra even more right now. He was still learning about altrean romance from her but had noticed while they seemed to be fine with having multiple partners they seemed much more protective and aggressive towards threats to those partners.

"There's... There's no chance of an abortion, is there? Do altreans have that?"

He asked hesitantly. If that was an option he'd take it in a heartbeat, then he wouldn't even have to tell the rest of his team about this. Allura glanced up at him, frowning unhappily

"Yes we do, but unfortunately the way galra impregnation works is that the temporary womb buries and attaches to vital organs so it's impossible to access let alone remove without killing the surrogate"

She practically growled, a loud crack splitting the air making Shiro jump, looking down quickly to see where her hand was gripping the table next to him had ripped the cushion and dented the metal. She quickly let go of the table and pulled back at his alarm

"I apologize, I'm just... Not pleased about this with how much they've already hurt you"

Allura said as she tried to compose herself.

"Hah well it's not the first time they've fucked me over"

Shiro said with dry humor, hoping to lighten the tone but when he looked up he saw she did not find that very funny at all.

"Sorry I just... Forget it, so what are we going to do with this child then?... I mean I can't lead this team and raise a kid"

He said, honestly grimacing at the idea. He was already being forced to carry and give birth to Sendak's offspring, he didn't want to have to raise it. He felt a little guilty, this unborn child hadn't done anything to him but at the same time he knew he'd never be able to look at it without thinking of the galra commander and all he'd done to him.

"Well, it won't be easy given the galra's reputation but I'm sure we can find a family to adopt it. If we're lucky it will come out looking more human, that will make it much easier. We could even temporarily return to earth to find a home for it"

The princess said as she continued her physical examination which did brighten him up a bit. He'd been away from earth for a little over two years and would be lying if he said he didn't miss earth. Shiro squirmed a bit ticklish as her hands gently prodded his stomach.

"How long do humans normally carry their young before birth?"

She asked him as she picked up a strange medical device

"Nine months"

He answered, surprised as Allura looked startled

"That long!? Well, I suppose that mammals do take awhile..."

She hummed, Shiro resisting the urge to ask what altreans were exactly if not mammals

"I was worried you would think six months was too long but it's actually shorter, I'm sure that makes it a little easier"

Allura said as she pressed the device to his stomach and then there was a jolt, not really painful just surprising. She pulled it back and pressed another button, Shiro blinking as it projected a small hologram that looked an awful lot like an ultrasound, showing the life growing inside him. To his relief it didn't look much different from a human, at least for now, as it was just sort of a blob right now with an oddly shaped head and the start of arms and legs.

"As I assumed, about a month in"

She muttered before flicking the hologram off and looking at him with those intense light blue eyes of hers, showing more emotion in them than a human's could. She reached up and cupped his cheek before running her fingers through his hair, Shiro leaning into her touch without even thinking about it.

"... Did this help any?"

The princess asked him after a moment, continuing to pet his hair

"Yeah, actually it did... I didn't think it would but, I do feel a little better"

He muttered, pressing into her hands. Allura smiled softly at him, leaning in and kissing him lovingly for a moment

"Good, I'm glad this calmed you. You're not alone in this, after all, I'm here for you and I know the others will be too"

She said firmly, not about to let him even think otherwise before her smile grew a bit as she trailed a hand down his chest, enjoying the feel of his skin

"Once we explain this to the rest of the team and things have settled, I'd like to see the rest of you~"

She purred in Shiro's ear, who turned bright red as his mouth went dry, making her laugh softly at his reaction when she pulled back

"Speaking of which, are you ready for that? It's ok if you want to wait for a bit but there's no way you'll be able to keep it from them for much longer, it'll be obvious in only a few weeks"

Allura said more serious, giving him a slightly concerned look. He sighed and grabbed his shirt, starting to pull it back on

"No, might as well get this over with while the momentum is there"

He muttered as he pulled his vest on and zipped it up before standing

"Let's get this over with"


	3. Chapter 3

They sat The other paladins down in the common room for this, Allura doing almost all the talking to his great relief. None of them seem to realize where this was going as she explained how the galras could reproduce with any species, Pidge and Keith listening with honest interest, Hunk just to be polite, but as always Lance got bored quickly, slumping on the couch not bothering to hide his uninterest.

"... Now that the biology lesson is taken care of, we can get to the actual point"

She said once she finished up explaining, turning her gaze on Shiro. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, not able to look any of them in the eye. Resisting the urge to turn and run instead he took a deep breath and straightened up

"This... This kind of shocking, and not going to be easy for any of us but, well... I.. I-I'm pregnant"

He stuttered out, stumbling over his words. There was a very brief second of silence as the news settled over them before they erupted. Hunk made some garbled surprised sound as he fell off his seat with a thud and Pidge started firing off rapid questions, Lance sitting up quickly from his slumped position and shouting some surprised swears in Spanish. The only one who didn't have a loud reaction was Keith, who merely stiffened, his eyes locked on him with a mix of emotions in them Shiro couldn't read.

"Ok ok, team calm down!"

He shouted over all their noise but it took a few minutes to settle them back down and even then they all clearly had more to say, looking at him unhappily as they waited to hear what else he had to say

"This isn't going to change anything, I still have awhile before it will effect my ability to pilot my lion so-"

Shiro started to explain but didn't get to finish as they started up another round of yelling

" _Fuck_ Voltron, what about you!?"

Lance snapped

"Yeah Lance is right, this is kinda a big deal, I mean with all the galra have already done to you..."

Hunk said less angry but just as upset, brown eyes full of worry

"You're acting like this is a stomach bug or some minor inconvenience, you're pregnant, they sexual assaulted you! This isn't ok!"

Pidge shouted, throwing their hands in the air in frustration, Shiro flinching as they said it aloud. Keith still wasn't saying anything but his gaze burned as he stared at him, mouth pressed in a tight frown and shoulders set ridged.

"This _is_ just an inconvenience, in five months we'll find the child a home and it will all be behind us"

Shiro insisted, but just getting another round of shouting from them

"I'm sorry Shiro but I have to agree with your fellow paladins, you're trying to pretend this is just a minor issue. I'm not sure about humans but alteans can get seriously ill from repressing trauma like this"

Allura said with a worried frown once the yelling quieted down some. He opened his mouth to say that wasn't true with humans but Pidge cut him off before he could

"That can happen with us too, there's even something called Broken heart syndrome where we can literally die from stress or sadness"

They said which imminently raised Allura's concern ten fold. Before he could so much as begin to explain that was rare and super unlikely he was shoved onto the couch between Lance and Hunk, the princess frowning down at him with her hands on her hips

"That is enough, we aren't going to let you suffer in silence any longer. We're starting on helping you right now"

She said stubbornly

"I'm really fine, besides I've fallen behind on training a bit and should go-"

Shiro said as he started to get back up but Lance and Hunk pushed him back down before Pidge scampered over and sat themself down in his lap to prevent him from trying again. He twitched a bit as Keith wrapped his arms around his shoulders from behind, Allura settling down on the couch as well

"Guys-"

He started to complain, nervous by the thought of having to go into the more emotional side of this

"Shhh, only emotional issues now"

Lance cut him off, earning an eye-roll from Pidge

"Lance this is serious, if you quote any more memes I'm gonna kick you out"

They said with exasperation as they snuggled up to Shiro's chest, fitting nicely in his lap

"Ignoring the jokey way he said it, Lance is right"

They said as they looked up at him, their amber eyes distinctly reminding Shiro painfully of their older brother.

"Yeah come on Shiro, you've always been there for us, let us be here for you"

Hunk added, rubbing one of his big warm hands over his thigh comfortingly. He sighed and went limp, giving up. They had him trapped and clearly weren't going to let him up until they discussed this.

"... What do you want me to say? The little I can remember is awful if given the chance I'd forgot all of it"

He said in defeat, leaning his head back as Keith started to run his hands through his hair to help relax him

"What do you remember?"

Lance asked, resting his chin on Shiro's shoulder

"After the galra grabbed us it's all pretty hazy, I only remember bits and pieces... But it's been coming back to me slowly"

He muttered, frowning a bit, really not wanting to focus in on any of those memories, preferring to keep them vague and hazy as possible in the back of his mind

"Most of what I can remember is in the arena, fairly sure that's how most of that year was spent. I think they only started experimenting on me and doing... Other stuff... later, once I'd gotten their attention by surviving for so long"

He muttered with a bit of a grimace, keeping the details vague for his own comfort

"Do you remember which one of them did this to you?"

Keith asked quietly, the first time he'd spoken since learning the news

"Y... Yes, I do..."

Shiro answered hesitatingly, steeling himself before continuing

"Sendak. Sendak took a... _"Speical_ _interest"_ in me. I don't know why or what I did that made him want me so badly but from the best of what I can remember he just really wanted to break me"

He said with a shudder of what he remembered of Sendak. Keith's hands tightened on his shoulders and he didn't need to look at him to know the younger man was angry. The quiet that fell over them told him the news they'd faced the galra who'd done this to him shook the rest of them too. Pidge especially seemed disturbed, face going a bit pale as they pressed a hand over Shiro's stomach softly

"... If I'd known that I would have tried harder to kill him when we had the chance"

They muttered quietly after a minute to his shock

"Pidge-"

He started but Keith cut him off

"I agree, that bastard deserved a much worse beating then we gave"

He growled, gripping the back of Shiro's vest in rage

"I wouldn't have even considered keeping him in the castle if I'd known what he'd done to you, cryo-sleep or not you shouldn't have had to live with the man who hurt you like this. I would have disposed of him properly instead of letting him be in the same space as you"

Allura added firmly, reaching around Lance to touch Shiro's arm comfortingly. He swallowed hard, ducking his head, throat feeling a bit tight with emotion

"I... While I appreciate what you guys are trying to say, I'm not liking how fast you're turning bloodthirsty over this"

He said, barely able to keep his voice from cracking

"Well duh, of crouse we're all getting bloodthirsty, we want to tear that cabrón to pieces!"

Lance snapped, waving his arms in exasperation

"Just think for a minute Shiro, how would you feel if this had happened to one of us?"

Hunk asked him more calmly, making him stiffen, imagining if it had been Pidge or Allura or Lance or any of them had been put through what he had. All the things Sendak had done to him, the way he'd violated him... Shiro didn't realize he was gritting his teeth and digging his fingers into the couch cushions until it tore under his galra hand, the sound snapping him out of it. He quickly let go, leaving five holes in one cushion, now feeling a bit guilty. Of crouse they were reacting like this, he would be just as upset if it was one of them. "...You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't think of it like that, I'd be acting the same way you all are if it was one of you in my place"

He admitted, knowing if it was any of them he'd be out there right now looking for Sendak so he could kill him himself

"It's ok Shiro, just let us help you like you would help us"

Pidge said, nuzzling his chest. Shiro rested a hand on their head as he let out a sigh

"Ok... Ok, I'll try. I don't know how easy it will be for me, I'm used to taking care of all of you, but I'll try"

He relented, giving in.

"But for now we're wasting the day away, it's been too long since a group training exercise"

He said and Pidge got out of his lap, letting him stand, feeling a both relieved that this was over and grateful they'd made him do it. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel better with that off his chest.

"Aww come on Shiro, training? Right after that?"

Lance complained as he flopped over onto Hunk

"Yes training, I told you this doesn't change anything, we still have a universe to save"

Shiro huffed back as he stretched

"Shiro is correct, Zarkon isn't about to give us a break. Come on paladins, get to work"

Allura said, back to her usual commanding tone, giving a clap of her hands as she stood. The other paladins got up and started towards the training deck, Lance continuing to grumble, each giving Shiro an affection nudge or kiss as they passed. To his surprise Keith dragged his feet too, usual for him. He normally was eager to train, the first one in the training room, but today he just didn't seem into it at all. Though he wasn't the only one acting differently during this training session, all of them were. They were being way more protective of him, not letting the robot gladiators get too close to him, going easier on him when they sparred (Which was very noticeable since none of them could beat him anyway) He knew he should have expected it given what he'd just told them but it didn't make it any less embarrassing.

When they finished Lance, Pidge, and Hunk went to go get something to eat but Shiro hesitated, staying in the training room and watching Keith hack gladiators after gladiators to pieces. He wasn't surprised the red paladin was taking it so hard, he'd always been one to brood over his emotions, even way back when he'd first met the younger in the Garrison

"Keith"

Shiro called out to him once he'd ripped yet another training robot to pieces. He looked up at him, panting and bangs hanging in his face "Come on, you've done enough today"

Shiro said softly, gesturing for him to come over. Keith hesitated, gripping his Bayard

"... I'm fine, I can handle more than this"

He said after a beat

"I know you can, but that's still enough for today. Come on"

Shiro insisted and after another few minutes of staring him down Keith gave in and walked over to him, putting his Bayard away

"I thought we were supposed to be the ones taking care of you now"

The younger said grumpily as he looked up at him with his arms crossed

"I said you could take care of me, but that's not stopping me taking care of all of you as I normally do"

He said with a grin, resting his hand on Keith's back, feeling how tense he was

"You're letting your anger get the best of you again"

He added more seriously, hoping to calm him down but it just made him angrier

"Shiro how the hell do you not expect me to be angry!? Sendak was in this castle only days ago, we faced off against him. He _raped_ you and we just, didn't do anything! We hardly even hurt him, he deserved to die"

Keith snapped before starting forward to push past him but Shiro quickly grabbed him by his shoulder and spun him around

"Do not talk like that! Fighting galra drones is one thing but killing someone, a living being with thoughts and emotions, that's something that scars you forever. Their blood will never come off your hands"

He snapped, some anger creeping into his own voice

"I'll do anything to save you from having to experience that"

He said with total seriousness as Keith stared up at him with wide eyes

"But... But with everything he did to you. He needs to face some punishment for that"

The younger man said after a minute, hands clenched

"Keith, I don't care about punishing him, or getting revenge on any of the galra. I just want to stop them so this can't happen to anyone else. I want to put it all behind me and move forward"

Shiro explained, rubbing his hands over Keith's back gently. The other paladin still seemed upset, frowning deeply. He was almost grateful for it, when one of them was upset he could ground himself and focus instead of losing track of things in his problems

"You don't need to go searching space for him, I don't want you to, and it's very unlikely you'd find him anyway"

He said as he ran his real hand through the smaller's hair, noting to himself it was getting a bit long

"But-"

Keith started again

"Hush. I appreciate all of you trying to help me but I just want to go back to normal. And I'm doing that, I'm fighting back against the galra, they don't... They don't own me anymore"

Shiro stuttered over the last part, having a hard time believing that himself, but continued on

"Hell look at my arm, they took it from me and tried to remake me as their weapon. But I've reclaimed it as my own, I use it as a weapon against them to hack into their tech and take down their soldiers"

He said with a slightly forced grin as he held up his metal arm, flexing the fingers. Keith stared at his hand, reaching up and taking it into his own hands, rubbing his fingers over the metal and seams

"... Reclaimed... I like that"

He muttered quietly after a minute, Shiro grinning at his approval.

"Exactly. I'm glad you understand now"

He said with relief, happy to have calmed Keith down. The red paladin still wasn't smiling but that didn't worry him too much, Keith not smiling wasn't anything new.

"Well, your way with words is just as good as your advice"

He said, looking up at him with those dark blue eyes but still not smiling even as he grabbed Shiro by his collar and kissing him gently. Shiro again didn't dwell on it, kissing him back as he pulled the smaller closer. When Keith pulled back he nuzzled his shoulder gently

"Thank you, Shiro, I'm going get some food, and think about stuff..."

He muttered, pressing another shorter kiss to his lips before stepping away and walking out of the room. Shiro watched him go, clutching his galra arm with his normal one. He was glad he'd calmed Keith down, glad he felt better about what he was going through. He just wished what he'd said could convince himself as well...


	4. Chapter 4

Shiro didn't see hide nor hair of any of the other paladins the rest of that day. He was left to eat food goo instead of Hunk's cooking, which was pretty disappointing honestly. It was too plain in taste after having gotten used to the yellow paladin's food and he kept thinking about that dish Coran had made the other day. After looking through all the rooms in the castle they usual could be found in but there was no trace of them. A little worrying, it was rare to find the workshop empty, either Pidge or Hunk were always in there. He gave up and found Allura instead, in the control room, as per usual.

"Hey Allura, have you seen the rest of the team around? I haven't seen any of them since we finished our training this morning"

He said as he walked over to her. To his surprise she smiled slightly at that

"Oh, they're around here somewhere. But I don't want to ruin the surprise"

She chuckled without looking up from the control panel

"Surprise? What surprise?"

He asked with frown

"Well, it wouldn't much of a surprise if I told you. And they wouldn't be pleased if I ruined it"

She said back with a knowing smile which didn't comfort him

"What are they up to? I don't like being surprised"

Shiro asked a little nervously

"I think you'll like it, and if you don't you know they won't push you"

She said less teasing as she looked up at him

"I hope you like it, they said they wanted you to themselves this time, but hopefully if it goes well I'll join you next time"

Allura added, going back to whatever she was doing on the control panel. Shiro was totally lost, having no idea what she was talking about.

"Uh ok, well if you see any of them tell them they should take some time today to bond with their lions, I think it could really help our overall ability in battle"

He said after a pause, knowing there was no point trying to get a secret out of the princess if she didn't want to tell. Allura nodded, that knowing smile still on her face, and Shiro walked out back into the hallway. He considered for a minute, physical training or working with his lion. His body protested the thought of exercise so he headed down towards his lion instead, letting his mind wander to what the other the paladins were up as he walked. He shouldn't be surprised they were acting strange with the news he'd just given them. Despite how they acted to his face he couldn't help but think they were probably actually disgusted and weirded out. Of crouse they would be, what kind of leader was he, letting himself be broken and carrying the enemies' child. Maybe they were planning on telling him they wanted to find someone else to pilot the black lion, if so he couldn't really blame them, after all, he-

Shiro's train of thought was cut off abruptly as suddenly arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind. He reacted instinctively, grabbing the offender and twisting them around to pin them against the wall, glowing purple fingers at their throat. But he quickly let go as he saw caramel skin and a playful smirk, recognizing the smaller man

"Lance you should know better than to sneak up on me like that by now"

He sighed, covering how much that had spooked him with annoyance

"Sorry Shiro, I keep forgetting. I'm used to sneaking up on Hunk and making him piggyback me around"

The blue paladin shrugged as he continued to grin wide, not looking very sorry at all

"Just don't do it again"

Shiro said with a shake of his head, slightly peeved at him, mostly because he feared one of these days his jumpy instincts would seriously hurt one of them. He turned to continue walking down the hall but Lance leaped forward and grabbed him by his arm

"Wait! I didn't just tackle you for no reason, I got something to show ya"

He said as he tightened his grip on his arm and started tugging him in the other direction. Shiro frowned at him in confusion as he let the smaller tug him along without too much resistance

"What is it that you can't just tell me?"

He asked slightly apprehensive as Lance pulled him down the hall

"Well, mullet head had an idea, first one of his life I think, a pretty good idea. Which ya know, guess a broken clock strikes twice a day, right? And we all agreed it was a good idea, and were waiting for you, but you never came back to your room. So one of us had to come get you and I lost rock-paper-scissors, cause Hunk tricked me, he almost always plays rock but played scissors this time"

He chattered, over talking as usual

"Lance, what is it?"

Shiro asked as he got off topic

"Hold on hold on, it'll be better if we all explain it to you"

Lance said as they approached the door to Shiro's room. The blue paladin stopped and turned to grin at him, waiting for him to open his own door. He blinked and raised an eyebrow at him with half confusion but also interested in why. He opened his door and stopped in surprise. They'd redecorated his room a bit, nothing major, somehow they'd gotten candles, where the hell did they get those? The other lights were off so it was only the flickering soft blue light in the room. The other three were on his bed and oh god, his mouth went dry, they were all naked. Although they seemed pretty bored at this point, Keith sitting with his arms and legs crossed, casually leaned back against the wall, Pidge laying on top of Hunk as they thumb wrestled to pass the time. Even as he stared in shock Lance stripped of his own clothes before jumping onto his bed as well, knocking Keith over on purpose. Shiro was in too much shock to stop them from fighting as they bickered, Keith shoving at Lance back

"W... Wha.. W-what?"

He stuttered, barely able to get even just that one word out, feeling his face burning deep red as he tried and failed not to stare. Pidge sat up, sitting in Hunk's lap, Shiro desperately trying to look anywhere but their exposed body out of embarrassment

"Shiro come here, we have an idea to propose to you"

Pidge said as Hunk sat up as well, resting his chin on top of the smaller's head. Shiro hesitated, unable to help feeling flustered and nervous, but edged closer to the bed. Pidge reached out and took his hand, pulling him till he was right there at the edge, averting his eyes to stare at the ceiling, all of them being naked too much for him to both pay attention to what they were saying and look at them

"W-why are you all naked?"

He asked, unable to help himself, voice notably higher than normal

"That one was Lance's idea, he thought it would be easier to convince you-"

Keith started to explain but Lance cut him off with a grin on his face

"And I thought it would be hilarious to see your face when you walked in, which it is"

He snickered, Keith elbowing him in the side. Shiro ignored Lance's comment, focusing on what Keith had said instead

"Convince me of what exactly?"

He asked, even though he knew there was only one thing they could be trying to persuade him to do that involved them being naked.

"I started thinking about the way you reclaimed your arm and how it helped you, and well..."

Keith started to explain

"We thought it might help you even more to reclaim the rest of your body as well, especially with what you're going through right now"

Pidge finished for him, pushing their glasses up their nose. Shiro sighed, exactly what he'd assumed. It wasn't that he didn't want to, he really wanted to actually, he loved them and of crouse they were all beautiful. But the fear of disappointing them weighed heavy on his mind. He didn't know anything about sex outside of what he'd seen in porn, which wasn't much at all, he'd been a virgin before the Kerberos mission. And his body wasn't pretty. Sure he was in shape, but all the scars marring his skin were disgusting, the way Allura had looked at him shirtless hadn't help dispell that feeling. On top of all that he didn't want them doing this because they felt bad for him or like they had to. It felt too much like he was taken advantage of them.

"Guys listen, I really appreciate what you're trying to do but I just don't think it'd be a good idea, this isn't something you have to do"

Shiro said, still looking at the ceiling of his room

"We know, getting to help you is just an awesome bonus"

Hunk said with a shrug, smiling at him.

"Yeah, all of us have been wanting this for awhile. Lance even way before he'd actually met you"

Pidge add with a grin of their own, Lance flushing a bit in embarrassment. Shiro blushed too, surprised by that, but it just made him feel like he was going to disappoint them even more.

"I just... I don't think it'll be anything like what you've been imagining"

He said with a slight frown

"It doesn't matter if it isn't, we'll still love it, because it'll be with you"

Keith said with total certainty

"Besides this first time is just going to be about making you feel good anyway"

Pidge added as Lance grabbed Shiro's hand, tugging gently to try and get him onto the bed with them

"Come on Shiro, we'll go real slow, and you'll be able to stop us anytime, but I bet you won't wanna stop once you see how awesome my head game is though, I've got like no gag reflex"

He bragged with a grin on his face as he managed to persuade Shiro to climb onto the bed with them hesitantly. He still wasn't too sure about this but they all seemed to want to so badly, it was hard to say no. So he let them push him down on his back even as he bit his lip slightly nervously, the other paladins crowding in around him. Keith ran a hand through his hair before going to cup his cheek, trying to calm him down

"Seriously, tell us if you want to stop or need us to slow down any. We'd all be pretty upset if any of us hurt you"

He said, waiting for Shiro to nod in acknowledgment before ducking down and kissing him slow but passionate. Shiro started to kiss him back but was quickly distracted as the other three started to touch him, shivering at the feeling of so many hands on him. He twitched as he felt one of them slide their hand down too low a bit too soon, unable to see but willing it bet it was Lance, but relaxed again as they moved on to rub over his thighs instead. He moved a hand up to bury in Keith's hair as the younger slide his tongue into his mouth at the same as one pair of hands slide under his clothes, rubbing over his stomach and sides, seeming to enjoy the feeling of his skin. It didn't feel bad, it felt pretty good, but he was still tense and nervous just like how he'd been when one of them was making out with him and tried to take it further. It was good and he arched into their hands but he was... Scared. His body was telling him pain was coming, the pleasure would be short lived and soon the pain and humiliation would soon take over. When one of them unzipped his vest and started trying to get it off him his head snapped back, panic clawing up

"W-wait!"

Shiro yelped and... And they stopped. He didn't realize that he'd been tensed and ready for it to keep going despite his fear until they'd stopped touching him and were all looking down at him with concern and worry.

"Are you ok? Do you want us to stop or was that just too fast?"

Pidge asked him with a nervous frown on their face. Pure relief flooded over him, it was ok, he could give in and let go of control. Because he'd still have the control that mattered, he could make it stop if he wanted. Shiro dropped his head back, hardly holding back a relieved sob as he blinked away tears

"I-I'm fine, just slow down some"

He answered before reaching up and yanking Keith back down, kissing him deeper and more eagerly. They started touching him again as Keith kissed him back, pulling a moan from him as Pidge pulled his vest open before Hunk pushed his undershirt up to expose his stomach and chest. Lance was touching all over his skin and going up to grope his chest, making Shiro keen as his fingers pinched and rolled his overly sensitive nipples. They kept their promise of going slower but were all eager to feel every inch of his exposed skin they could, making him shiver as he felt them tracing scars and trailing their fingers over his sides. By the time Lance yanked Keith away from his lips by his hair Shiro was already panting and flushed face.

"You're hogging his lips, you lip hogger"

Lance said as Keith shoved him off

"I am not, we _just_ started, wait for your own turn"

Keith huffed back, licking his bruised lips as he glared at him

"Make me!"

Lance snapped back childishly. Shiro was a bit dazed but still opened his mouth to try and stop them from arguing when suddenly Keith jerked froward and kissed Lance aggressively, grabbing the other boy's shoulders and digging his nails in roughly. Shiro watched dumbstruck with his mouth still opened a bit, having a perfect view of their hate makeout laying right under the two. He probably shouldn't find it as hot as he did. He only looked away when he felt the weight on the bed shift and hands resting on the waist of his pants, looking down to see Hunk had moved between his legs and was looking up at him for approval, waiting for his ok before undressing him further. Shiro hesitated for a beat before giving him a nod, biting his lip as Hunk slowly pulled both his pants and underwear off, shivering as his hard cock was exposed to the air. He gasped and let out a moan as both Pidge and Hunk started eagerly touching his cock, Pidge trying to wrap both their hands around it as Hunk rubbed his thumb over the slit

"Holy shit Shiro, you're huge!"

Pidge said with a grin, unable to fit him in both hands. Their words caught both Lance and Keith's attention, stopping trying to chew each other's faces off and turning to look. Shiro blushed as the two moved closer to get a better look, squirming and feeling exposed as they all focused on his dick.

"Oh my god... I wonder, is he bigger then Hunk? Hunk move closer"

Keith said and the larger boy complied, moving over and lining up his hips with Shiro's so their cocks were pressed together, Shiro barely stopping himself from grinding against him.

"Mm Shiro's is longer, but Hunk's is thicker"

Pidge said as they considered the lineup.

"Move, scooch over, I gotta get that in my mouth"

Lance said as he shooed Hunk out of way before ducking his head and taking Shiro's length into his mouth with no warm up or warning, taking half of him in one swift move.

"A.. Ahhh~!"

Shiro keened before quickly slamming his metal hand over his mouth, struggling to keep in any more embarrassing sounds. But it felt so damn good, better than anything he'd felt before, way better than any of the pleasure Sendak had forced on his body. Lance hadn't been exaggerating about being good at giving head, soon he was shaking and letting out muffled whimpers as his other hand clutched the blankets while Lance worked him over, taking him deep into his throat before pulling back a bit to use his tongue and press opened mouthed kisses over the underside of his shaft. Just this had him too dizzy to focus, not noticing the others were moving until he felt Lance shifting around without removing his mouth from his cock so Hunk could get between his legs, pulling them up so his knees were hooked around the yellow paladin's shoulders.

Shiro barely registered the change in position because Lance had taken his cock to the root, just holding him in his throat as he kept swallowing around him, each contraction of his throat having him gasping as his eyes rolled back in his head in pleasure. He only came back to himself when he felt Hunk's thick fingers slide down between his legs to nudge gently against his hole, cold and slick. He wondered vaguely where they'd gotten lube, probably the same place they'd gotten these blue candles and- Oh! O-oooh fuck, Hunk was slowly pressing two fingers into him, thicker than most, making his back arch and hips rock back, mouth falling open at the stretch of it. He really hadn't been expecting this to feel so good, already feeling himself growing close to cumming. Just a little more, he was right on the edge...! But then Lance pulled back off his cock, gasping for breath and leaving Shiro whimpering, fucking whimpering, as his hips twitched up desperately. Hunk's fingers inside him were good but it wasn't enough for him to cum from.

He whined again louder, needing more. Hunk obliged by adding a third finger as Pidge straddled his hips, only grinding down on him, able to feel their wet heat against his skin but the smaller paladin not yet gracing him by letting his cock slide in. It was overwhelming but at the same time not nearly enough, leaving him a total mess, his normal self-control having been thrown completely out the window at this point. He straight up sobbed as Pidge rubbed their wet pussy over the head of his cock at the same time that Hunk's fingers pressed into a spot that sent pleasure shooting up his spine. The sweet torture of hanging on the edge had him writhing under them, loving every minute of it, but then suddenly they stopped. Shiro whimpered, no this was the opposite of what he wanted, he wanted more not less. Keith's warm hands touched his face gently, wiping wetness off his cheeks. When had he started crying?

"Shiro? Are you alright, do you need us to stop?"

Keith asked, all soft and worried as he cupped his face. Shiro immediately shook his head no before turning his face to nuzzle and press his lips against Keith's palm

"N-No, no don't stop, p-please don't stop"

He panted, not able to care how desperate and needy he sounded right this moment, flicking his tongue out over Keith's hand. Keith inhaled sharply at the way the older was licking and nipping at his hand so needily as he blushed deeply before turning his head to nod at the others, letting them know it was ok to keep going. Shiro keened as they started moving again, Hunk continuing to press his fingers against that wonderful little spot inside him as Pidge ground their hips down eagerly. Keith was still touching his face, soft and gentle, ducking his head to kiss him again. As he did that Lance started groping over his chest before leaning down and opening his mouth, lapping his tongue over the two pink nubs, making Shiro cry out against Keith's mouth. He was totally overwhelmed, his body on fire, not even able to think at this point, totally at mercy of his body's reactions and instinct. When Hunk pulled his fingers out Shiro whimpered and rocked his hips back, feeling empty.

But it only lasted a few seconds while Hunk lubed something much bigger up and soon he was pressing the slick head of his cock to Shiro's entrance. Shiro hadn't really admired their bodies before but noted that Hunk felt much bigger than he was expecting, gasping and cried out when he pushed in. The yellow paladin was going slow and being gentle, rubbing his big warm hands over his thighs as he took his time entering him. When Hunk was half way inside Pidge shifted, lifting themself up and reaching a hand down to wrap around Shiro's cock, lining it up with their pussy. Shiro barely had time realize what they were about to do before they slide down onto his cock, taking all of him in one swift move.

"AHHH~! O-Oh god...!"

Shiro cried out, unable to focus enough to keep kissing Keith, back arching as his hands gripped the sheets, which ripped under his galra one. Pidge was gasping and panting as they sat with his length buried in them, leaning back on Hunk's chest, who wrapped one hand around their hips as they looked down, a small noticeable bump in their stomach

"O-oh mmng fuck~ y-yeah he's definitely longer then Hunk"

They stuttered with a grin on their face. Shiro was way too gone to speak, only able to lay there shaking and gasping, eyes fluttering as Hunk bottomed out, so thick and filling him up so much he couldn't think of anything else. Neither of them moved, Hunk waiting for him to adjust and Pidge waiting for Hunk to start moving first. At first he was grateful to get to adjust, but the burn of the stretch soon faded and he started squirming under them, whining pleadingly. Hunk was hesitating, probably scared of hurting him. Shiro whined louder, rocking his hips back against him. It was only when he raised his head to look at Hunk with desperate eyes that the younger finally gave him what he wanted, pulling out half way slowly before thrusting back in hard as Pidge started to ride his him, rocking up and down his cock at the same pace. Shiro might have screamed at how good it felt, he wasn't really sure, all he knew was he was overwhelmed with pleasure, eyes rolled back in his head and mouth opened as moans and cries spilled out of him.

He was vaguely aware of Keith stroking his face and Lance rubbing his hands over his chest, reaching out and grabbing whichever was closest and clinging to them, too overwhelmed to tell which of them it was. He knew it was Keith's fingers that slide into his mouth and didn't even think about it before starting to suck and lick, reduced to pure animal instinct as Pidge and Hunk fucked his brains out. Shiro wouldn't be able to last much longer like this, shaking and rocking his hips back against them. It was too good, just being able to let go was such a relief. And when Hunk thrust up into that wonderful little bundle of nerves in him as Pidge rolled their hips down on his shaft he couldn't hold back. He tried to warn them but Keith's fingers were still in his mouth, muffling his cry as his snapped upward, cumming hard inside Pidge. They let out a stuttering gasp as their pussy tightened and fluttered around him, tossing their head back against Hunk's shoulder as they came themself. Hunk gave two more hard thrusts before gritting his teeth and doubling over Pidge, gasping as he filled Shiro with his thick seed.

Shiro was gone, he was just gone, floating in warm fuzziness, mind for once blissfully blank. He was vaguely aware of the splash of something hot and thick on his chest and face along with Keith's soft moan in his ear. He'd been too distracted at the time to realize it but Lance and Keith had been getting off on watching him fall apart like that, and now he was too out of it to do more than moan weakly at the thought. His awareness was fading in and out, one minute Hunk was pulling out and Pidge off him, the next one of them had gotten a warm washcloth and was cleaning him off as another was getting him to drink some cold refreshing water down. By the time Shiro had really started to come back to himself they'd totally cleaned up and were laying on top and around him in a cuddle pile. He sleepily turned his head, blinking as it sunk in what they had done. He dropped his head back against the bed as his face burned, unable to believe how quick and easy they'd been able to turn him into a moaning mess. But it was hard to keep feeling embarrassed about it with them all cuddled up to him like this, feeling warm and sleepy, the feeling increasing as Pidge idly traced scars over his chest and Keith ran his hands through his hair. Eventually, he couldn't fight it any longer, eyes fluttering shut as he drifted off. And for the first time, he didn't need his lion's protection to keep his sleep nightmare free...


End file.
